Gabriel sees Uriel post-Fall

[cattygabriel]

Gone was the angel who walked barefoot around the Manor library in jeans and T-shirts with a smile for his cats and anyone walking in; the being pacing Lucifer's foyer now was every inch a cold, furious Archangel.

In the Manor chapel, Gabriel had paused long enough to send notes to Michael and Raphael explaining what had happened - they might have sensed it, have already known, but Uriel was their brother too and Gabriel should at least let them know - and another to Mary Hodges, saying he'd be away for a while due to a family emergency and requesting that she keep an eye on the cats. Outside, the rain turned to unseasonable hail.

Gabriel had called his sword and horn to him and hung them on the belt of now ornate robes, his wings unfurling behind him, lit by the glow of his own aura; he normally disliked reminding people of his rank, but his younger brother was in Hell and he wanted to remind any demon trying to stop him that he was not in the mood to be stopped and cross-examined.

And it had not worked. All Gabriel wanted was to find Uriel and Belial, but he had been met by enough politeness and red tape and bureaucracy to put Heaven to shame. Asmodeus had met him at the gates, oozing civility, and agreed to grant him safe passage to at least see his brother, and as they entered each successive circle there had been new border checks and forms and repeated questions and attempts to get him to disarm. By the time Asmodeus had finally shown him into what seemed like Lucifer's foyer and left, the Messenger's already stretched patience had been hanging by a frayed thread.

He strode up and down, wondering desperately where and how Uriel was while trying to avoid any thoughts about Uriel's Fall itself, or any possible changes in his brother. He had failed Uriel, should have been more vigilant, should have made sure Belial stayed away from him, should have tried harder to intercede with their Father on his behalf, and his face was stony as he imagined everything he could have done to keep Belial away.

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[emberlight]

"Tell me, Gabriel. What did I do that requires forgiveness?" Uriel's expression was stony, uncompromising.

[cattygabriel]

"You doubted Him, as I once did," Gabriel said quietly. "And He does not take kindly to that. I do not know why He tested you so, but now you have chosen Lucifer over Him. But He might yet forgive you."

His voice hovered a little uncertainly over his last few words; he had assumed and hoped that even Lucifer could return to them one day if he only wished to, if he asked His forgiveness. But Uriel had longed to return for so long, even before Falling. And he had Fallen because God had seemingly forsaken him; why would He abandon any of His children, whom He loved? Was salvation even possible for the Fallen, as Gabriel had believed for so long?

[emberlight]

"'He does not take kindly to that'?" Uriel repeated, bitterly. "A question, I asked him a question, and I was cast out for it. Is He truly so perfect that He will not even listen to us?"

Belial had listened, had understood his pain. What's more, Belial had shown him His hypocrisy, His flaws. Gabriel wouldn't even listen to what he was trying to say. Uriel clenched his hands into fists in anger, only to feel the key dig into his palm. Remembering Lucifer's warning, he calmed himself. Looking up, he spotted a doorway in the shadows. "I am not having this discussion here," he said, walking toward the door without checking to see if Gabriel was following.

Once again he let himself be distracted by thoughts of Belial. He slowed his pace for a moment, savoring the ache, wishing he was back in the Crown's bed. This was not how he wanted his conversion with Gabriel to go.

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel remembered when he had first been cast out, the disbelief and pain. "Apparently so," he murmured, more to himself than to Uriel.

He followed Uriel, though he cast a wary glance behind himself and extended his senses to the room before following his brother in; the only person he could sense in there was Uriel himself, though he felt so different.

He wasn't quite sure what he had expected from this conversation, other than a vague hope that he could bring Uriel back somehow. Clearly, that wasn't happening.

"Help me understand, Uriel. Why would you choose this?"

[emberlight]

"Why should I choose to wait any longer when I KNOW someone wants me, appreciates me, sees me as something other than a wayward child to be brought back to the flock and squashed under His thumb?" Uriel questioned as he fit the key in the lock.

Pushing the door open, Uriel had to hold back a gasp. Before him was one of the most beautiful libraries he had ever had the fortune of setting foot in. Books lined the walls, ancient maps and illuminated manuscripts sat out on tables, chairs invited one to sit and stay, and banked fireplaces kept the room warm while a healthy dose of magic prevented them from damaging the books in any way.

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel was momentarily distracted by the books in the room, longing to run his fingers down their spines and pore over the maps and manuscripts. But even that could not fully distract him from Uriel's words.

"Squashed under His thumb? How can you even speak of our Father and His love like that? And do you not think Raphael and I saw you as more than a wayward child?" He paused to pull the door shut behind them. "I can understand if you lost faith, I nearly did as well, but even your love for Him?"

[emberlight]

Uriel stepped fully into the room, mantling his wings in discontent before drawing them in tight. When he turned, his expression was unreadable. "What love? Tell me, where was His love? I was cast away, stripped of His Presence. I tried to understand, but never could. I tried to make peace, but no place ever truly felt like home. There were humans that loved me, showed me kindness and care over the years, but their lives are short and each passing left me feeling more alone. They had their place in His arms, but I was denied mine."

He ignored the chairs, choosing instead to pace in front of a fireplace, drawing strength from its warmth. "And for what? For growing tired of bloodshed? For refusing to continue murdering in His name? Does His love only manifest its self at the sharp edge of a blade, wielded by my hand?"

"If that is what passes for love, I want no part of it."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel winced; he knew what Uriel was describing, remembered how it felt, but his own exile had been brief compared to the pain Uriel had borne for so long.

He had never liked the bloodshed involved in his duties either, but it was God's Will, and after he had performed his duties he could return to Heaven and find absolution in His love. Uriel had been deprived of that. Gabriel's first instinct was to defend His love and try to make Uriel remember it, but he knew now that Uriel would not react well, and he did not want them to come to blows.

"I understand. And I am sorry," he finally said, coming up behind Uriel; he longed to reach out to his brother, but Uriel had been awkward enough about being touched before and Gabriel did not know how he would react now. He hesitated for a moment, unsure if his next words were the right thing to say. "You still have my love."

[emberlight]

Uriel wanted to keep arguing, to ask Gabriel how he could possibly say he understood and was sorry, yet still believe in His love, but he reigned in his temper and bit back any further scathing replies. It would not do to drive Gabriel away, and no doubt Lucifer would not be pleased with him if he made a bad impression. Instead, he sighed, eyes closing for a moment. "Thank you for that."

[cattygabriel]

Ever since his exile, Gabriel had had centuries to practice schooling his thoughts, refusing to let himself even think of doubting God or His Plan for fear of a repeat or worse. He might have been the Strength of God, but he did not think he was strong enough to go through that crushing pain and loss all over again, to once again cling desperately to the faint faith and hope that he would return one day. He truly loved his Father, but there was fear too which he would not allow himself to dwell on.

Gabriel had to believe in His love. He would allow himself no other choice.

Stepping a little closer, Gabriel finally reached out and placed his hand on Uriel's shoulder, suppressing a wince at the sensation of his brother's aura. "I wanted to always be there for you, and I may have failed but that sentiment has not changed. Should you ever desire my company or need someone to talk to, Uriel, I will come."

[emberlight]

Uriel flinched visibly at Gabriel's touch, the sensation of his brother's Grace now like salt rubbed in a raw wound rather than the warm comfort it once was. The touch as well as Gabriel's words only furthered his growing resentment. Why was it that they were always the ones to pay the consequences of their Father's decisions, why were they the ones forced to endure loneliness, sadness and guilt?

"You are not the one who failed me. You are my brother and I will always welcome you."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel pulled his hand back instantly, with an internal wince at having caused his brother even more pain.

Why would their Father do this to Uriel? What in the Plan could necessitate - no, he could not question that.

"Thank you. I still feel as though I should have done more, somehow."

[emberlight]

Uriel tilted his head and considered his brother curiously. "Why? What more should you have done. I am happy, Gabriel. I am free. I do not doubt, I do not ache¹." He shifted and his eyes brightened as he remembered the way Lucifer had looked at him. "I feel love again."


¹ Well, other than the ache in his arse that kept Belial always on his mind.

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel closed his eyes briefly, remembering the warmth of Lucifer's affection. He could almost see why Uriel would turn to that when deprived of God's love, even if he could not agree. "I am glad you are happy, then."

He couldn't agree with Uriel's idea of freedom, though. Then again, even Gabriel could admit that he was not exactly free either, even if he would not choose freedom - least of all Uriel's freedom.

[emberlight]

Mistaking Gabriel's expression, Uriel grew slightly defensive again. "Do not be disappointed with me, Gabriel. I have not known peace for so long and this is..." he trailed off, looking for words. "I feel wanted again. You do not know how much that means to me."

[cattygabriel]

"I am not," Gabriel hastened to say. "I am truly glad that you are happy and at peace, Uriel. I cannot say I agree wholly with your choices and I cannot fully understand them, but I will accept them."

[emberlight]

"It hurt Gabriel. You above all should know how much it hurts to be exiled. He never said anything, never let me explain myself, never replied to my questions. How could I possibly accept more war and bloodshed in His name when He wouldn't even speak with me? I-"

Sensing a sudden change in the room, his anguished speech came to an abrupt halt.

[lux_invictus]

Lucifer materialized without fanfare at the tail-end of Uriel's reply and had to suppress a frown. If Uriel refused to fight, then the Seraph might not be as useful as The Morningstar wished.

Mindful of his audience, he did not let any of his disappointment show as he stepped up to Uriel's side, gently brushing the angel's wings as he slid a possessive arm around his shoulders and pulled him in close to the warmth of his body. "Is everything alright, Uriel? You sounded upset." His tone was soothing, everything about his posture both comforting and protective.

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel was about to reply, to say that he did understand Uriel's pain and that as much as being wielded as an instrument of bloodshed hurt, being away from Him hurt more, but he stepped back and stiffened in shock as the Lightbringer materialised.

His instinct was to go to them and pull Uriel away, but his very touch hurt Uriel now, and his brother had chosen Lucifer, who seemed to be as loving as Uriel had said. As Gabriel remembered.

"Lucifer," he said stiffly, inclining his head in greeting.

[emberlight]

Uriel leaned back into Lucifer's embrace, all traces of tension disappearing from his expression. "Mea Lux," he said softly, full of reverence, "I am fine. Now."

[lux_invictus]

Lucifer smiled as he let his hand trail down between the angel's shoulderblades, genuinely please by the title Uriel had chosen for him. He stroked the base of the fallen angel's wings gently as he bowed his head toward Gabriel.

"Gabriel, it has been far too long. I have missed you."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel was a little caught off guard by the sheer reverence Uriel was displaying - knowing it and seeing it were entirely different - and by Lucifer's behaviour.

"I missed you, too."

He should leave. Uriel was clearly happier here and nothing Gabriel could say would change that, and Gabriel himself was uncomfortable in Lucifer's presence.

[lux_invictus]

With his free hand, Lucifer gestured to a rather inviting trio of chairs sitting in a cozy corner, surrounded by books. "You should stay a while, talk. It is always nice to have family here."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel glanced at the chairs, which did indeed look cosy and inviting, and at the expression on Uriel's face. Then he judged the distance to the door.

"What safe subject could we talk about, Lucifer? As you said, it has been far too long."

[lux_invictus]

Lucifer was seeing to it that Uriel wouldn't be saying much, and the fallen angel only leaned back further into the Morningstar's calming touch as he fixed Gabriel with a hopeful gaze.

For his part, Lucifer only raised an eyebrow. "I don't know, Gabriel. Books? Cats? The airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?" he replied with just the right amount of both sarcasm and levity.