Gabriel sees Uriel post-Fall

[cattygabriel]

Gone was the angel who walked barefoot around the Manor library in jeans and T-shirts with a smile for his cats and anyone walking in; the being pacing Lucifer's foyer now was every inch a cold, furious Archangel.

In the Manor chapel, Gabriel had paused long enough to send notes to Michael and Raphael explaining what had happened - they might have sensed it, have already known, but Uriel was their brother too and Gabriel should at least let them know - and another to Mary Hodges, saying he'd be away for a while due to a family emergency and requesting that she keep an eye on the cats. Outside, the rain turned to unseasonable hail.

Gabriel had called his sword and horn to him and hung them on the belt of now ornate robes, his wings unfurling behind him, lit by the glow of his own aura; he normally disliked reminding people of his rank, but his younger brother was in Hell and he wanted to remind any demon trying to stop him that he was not in the mood to be stopped and cross-examined.

And it had not worked. All Gabriel wanted was to find Uriel and Belial, but he had been met by enough politeness and red tape and bureaucracy to put Heaven to shame. Asmodeus had met him at the gates, oozing civility, and agreed to grant him safe passage to at least see his brother, and as they entered each successive circle there had been new border checks and forms and repeated questions and attempts to get him to disarm. By the time Asmodeus had finally shown him into what seemed like Lucifer's foyer and left, the Messenger's already stretched patience had been hanging by a frayed thread.

He strode up and down, wondering desperately where and how Uriel was while trying to avoid any thoughts about Uriel's Fall itself, or any possible changes in his brother. He had failed Uriel, should have been more vigilant, should have made sure Belial stayed away from him, should have tried harder to intercede with their Father on his behalf, and his face was stony as he imagined everything he could have done to keep Belial away.

Comments

[lux_invictus]

Lucifer was so very smug and had to put forth a conscious effort to keep his own aura from blinding the two angels. "It has not been and never will be your place to apologize, Gabriel."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel was a little hurt when Uriel hesitated, but he smiled when his brother took his hand, squeezing it lightly. "Would you come closer, Uriel? Please?"

He turned back to Lucifer. "But I am sorry that you have had to endure that. And that I could not follow you, and still cannot."

[emberlight]

Uriel was reluctant to move from the comfort of his chair, but for Gabriel, he would. Releasing his brother's hand, he chose a new place to sit, curling up with his cup of tea at Lucifer's feet.

[lux_invictus]

Lucifer held Gabriel's hand tighter in his own warm, steady grip, comforting rather than confining. "Do not lie, least of all to yourself, Gabriel. You could and you can, but you did not and will not. There is a difference."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel laid his hand on Uriel's shoulder instead - not gripping but simply resting there as he drew comfort from his brother's presence, changed as it was.

He bowed his head, feeling ashamed for the lie, though he had always genuinely thought it truth before. "I will not, then. Because I have tasted His displeasure and for all that I am His Strength, I do not think I am strong enough to bear it again. I need His love; sometimes it was all that made some of my other tasks bearable. I do not know how you bore its loss."

[lux_invictus]

"And so you bury your head in the sand and ignore all common sense in hopes that everything will be okay?

We have to ask questions, find answers, make discoveries and adapt to those discoveries. That is the way of the world. Even the humans - where would they be if the wisest among them had never questioned what was thought to be the natural order of things? They would still be living in dark caves, scavenging for food, easy prey for every predator, ever illness, every shift in the seasons.

His love was not a coin I dropped on the ground as I wandered through life. I did not lose it, Gabriel. He chose to rip it away from me.

How did I bear it? By offering myself to all the other lost souls He damned to the darkness, by rebuilding the pit of chaos and torment we had been exiled to and opening it up to all those He has cast out for the ever so great sin of questioning the way of the world." Here he paused to stroke Uriel's hair reassuringly, delighting in the way the fallen angel leaned into his touch.

"I bear it because I am Lucifer. I am the Lightbringer. I will not let my light be dimmed even though He no longer allows my light to grace the halls of Heaven. There are others in need of light, and I will not turn my back on them solely because He turned His back on me."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel was leaning forward slightly, raptly, eyes fixed on Lucifer's face. "Your light has not dimmed. I missed it, in Heaven."

He had a vague feeling that he should not be admitting such things, but he also hoped that his honesty would please Lucifer; he wanted to please the Lightbringer, ached for what Lucifer must have endured when His love was ripped away from him, was entranced by his words.

"But humans do not have to bear our pain when they question Him. They Fell from grace too, but it was not the same; they can ask questions, can change. We cannot do so, not without direr consequences. And every day I fear those consequences. I love Him more than anything, but I also fear Him."

[lux_invictus]

Pleased by Gabriel's posture, if not necessarily his words, Lucifer released Gabriel's hand to instead cup the angel's face in his palm, thumb lightly stroking his cheek. "As I have missed you."

He drew a breath, decided to press his luck and test the limits of his power over the Graceful angel. "Listen to what you have said. He rules you with fear because it is the only way He can guarantee your love. Is that truly love?"

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel tilted his head, leaning into Lucifer's warm touch, lashes lowering slightly. At Lucifer's question, however, he frowned a little.

"I loved Him long before I had cause to fear Him, and I still love Him. And my brothers do not have such cause to fear Him, so I always thought it was my own fault for questioning Him. It had to be mine, it could not have been -" He stopped, eyes widening; no, he could not finish that sentence, could not even think it, God was faultless despite His harsh treatment of Uriel that drove him to Fall, despite what He had done to Lucifer, despite Gabriel's own fear -

He pulled back a little, wings unfurling to wrap around himself, fear written in every line of his face. "The last time I thought Him harsh, I was exiled."

[emberlight]

Uriel looked up at Gabriel curiously, surprised at where the conversation seemed to be leading. He remembered what Belial had said about Gabriel loving Lucifer, but given his brother's refusal to listen when he spoke of his own love for Lucifer, his acquiescence now seemed odd. Then again, Uriel thought as he listened to the gentle cadence of Lucifer's words, it was easy enough to lose one's self to that voice.

His reverie was broken when Gabriel pulled away. Startled, unsure what to say, he reached out to his brother hesitantly, fingertips barely brushing the tips of his wing.

[lux_invictus]

Leaning back, Lucifer left the task of calming Gabriel to Uriel. "Do you truly think you are alone in questioning Him? You know full well Uriel endured an exile far longer than yours, and he is not the only angel who has sought my light when left alone in the darkness for so long. Do you still think the fault lies in you?"

Lucifer pinned Gabriel with his intense gaze, demanding attention. "If you truly believe you are so faulty then tell me, Gabriel, who made you? Who made you with fault and fear and doubt? Who made you so imperfect, and then punished you for those imperfections?"

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel stiffened a little before relaxing slightly and extending his wing to brush against his brother's palm. The touch was calming, but there was only so much it could do against Lucifer's words and the turmoil they raised in Gabriel.

"Father did," he whispered, feeling pinned and vulnerable under that gaze and yet wanting to lose himself in it. "So that we might overcome our imperfections and have something to work towards." It seemed a strange reasoning even to him, now. What was perfection, besides Him? His Son? Michael?

[lux_invictus]

"Would you considering me imperfect then?"

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel stared at him for a long moment. "No. You were and are perfect, Lucifer."

But then, that would mean that Lucifer was the standard for everyone else to strive towards. And yet he was the cautionary tale, though now that he was again in the Lightbringer's presence Gabriel could not see why.

"I understand your reasons better now, Uriel," he murmured, without taking his gaze off Lucifer.

[lux_invictus]

Lucifer leaned forward to once again touch Gabriel's face, slowly letting his hand trail down the angel's neck and out across his shoulder. "Think about what I have said, Gabriel. You are not the one at fault, you have done no wrong. Ruling through fear is no way to rule at all. You have good reason to have questions and doubts."

He pulled away one final time, this time resting his hand on Uriel's shoulder. "And we are always here."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel shuddered at the touch even as he pressed into it, tilting his head back slightly to bare his neck, arching his other wing forward.

He was still so afraid. As much as he tried, he could not squash and ignore the thought that perhaps God was the one at fault. Blasphemy, some tiny corner of him whispered weakly, but it seemed to make so much sense, especially with Lucifer's words, Lucifer's voice, assuring him that he was not at fault. After so long of blaming himself for everything he should have blamed God for, policing himself constantly to prevent further doubt, hearing Lucifer say you have done no wrong was like a balm.

Even so, long habit meant that he was still unsure about letting himself think about all this, still searching for some way to justify His actions, and still waiting for His wrath. Still, Lucifer had told him to think about it, and he would try.

"Thank you, Lucifer," he said sincerely. He would have pressed his lips to Lucifer's hand in gratitude, but the Lightbringer had pulled away and he found himself disappointed by the loss of contact. "Your words mean much to me."

[lux_invictus]

"And you mean so much to me, Gabriel. I do not wish to see you suffer from such crushing doubt, you deserve more than that." Lucifer spoke with absolute sincerity as it was his honest belief that they were all better off without the double-standards He held His children to.

He rose, coaxing Uriel to stand as he did so. Wrapping an arm around the Fallen angel's waist, both protective and possessive, he pulled him even closer. The angel gazed up at him rapturously, and Lucifer smiled - truly, it could not possibly gone any better even if he had planned it out in advance.

Still smiling, he turned his attention to Gabriel one final time. "Should you be going, or will you stay?" Though a seemingly innocent question, there was something to the way it was said, a certain weight to the words. If Gabriel chose to stay, it would be a final, permanent decision.

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel watched his brother's reaction almost wistfully before his attention snapped back to Lucifer at the question. "I..." He wanted to stay with Lucifer and Uriel, wanted to please Lucifer and make Uriel smile, but something niggled at his mind - had he not been about to leave earlier? Why would he not have wanted to stay?

Despite everything, he still loved God; there was doubt now, yes, but he still loved Him and had spent a lifetime carrying out His will, standing in His presence. He still feared Falling, although now he was beginning to wonder about that too; this was the happiest he had seen Uriel in so long.

Duties, he had other duties, although all he wanted at the moment was to kneel before Lucifer and carry out his will. But Lucifer had been so kind to him; surely it could not be wrong to come again, to simply speak with his Fallen brothers.

"I should leave." He still looked torn as he stepped towards Uriel, wanting to embrace him before leaving. "Uriel?"

[emberlight]

Uriel looked at Gabriel wide-eyed, mistaking his intentions. "I am not leaving," he replied, shaking his head in denial.

[cattygabriel]

"I did not expect you to," Gabriel replied; he could understand why Uriel would rather stay with Lucifer, could even sympathise, but it still hurt a little. "I know why, now, and I cannot blame you for anything. I only wanted to say goodbye."

[emberlight]

"Oh! In that case..." He glanced up at Lucifer, waited for the Morningstar to release him. Even once Lucifer had obligingly moved his arm, Uriel was reluctant to leave the warmth of his embrace and moved away slowly. "I can still see you, right? Or you can visit?"

[cattygabriel]

"I will always welcome you. And if I may visit..." It was Gabriel's turn to glance at Lucifer now, awaiting permission.

[lux_invictus]

"You may come and go as you wish, Gabriel. I am not the one who denies people admittance to my kingdom."

[cattygabriel]

Gabriel ducked his head slightly at that; he could no longer deny His unfairness, not with so much evidence laid out before him. But then, it had always been laid out before him; Lucifer had simply made him see.

"Thank you."

He moved to embrace Uriel. "I am sorry I would not listen to you, earlier." Come to think of it, why had he been so unwilling, when he now knew Uriel had been right? And what had finally made him listen?

[emberlight]

Old habits set in and Uriel stiffened at first, but after a moment he relaxed and accepted Gabriel's embrace. "And I am sorry I cannot go with you, but my place is here where I am truly valued and am not left wanting."

He stepped away, smiling wistfully. "If you ever need me, you know where to find me."