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halosphere
Jun. 17th, 2010 02:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cattygabriel
[In response to this thread]
Gabriel had neglected his duties for far too long. His assistants took care of his paperwork when he was away, of course, but he often felt guilty about it on his return. And now he needed something for his mind to focus on, to push all memories of Michael and Raphael away.
The hurt in Michael's eyes as he forcefully Banishes Gabriel from his room and Binds him out...
Raphael's words tearing at him from the inside...
Despite the warm glow of the Presence, Heaven feels strangely empty as he finally lands...
Gabriel let very few people in to that extent, gave them that much trust, and in fact there were only four beings he had been that close to. Lucifer had Fallen, and now he couldn't speak to Michael and Raphael didn't wish to see him. Not even pausing to rest or see Uriel - if Uriel, too, had a nasty surprise for him, Gabriel didn't think he could face it at the moment - he had gone straight to his office.
After having read through the files of reports he had missed while away, he set about reorganising them - Lucifer had often teased him about his 'monster of a filing system that nobody else could make sense of' - , editing and rewriting reports, checking statistics, vetting forms, and burying himself in paperwork.
He sensed the Metatron's Presence outside his door, but barely looked up even as he waved a hand to make the door open; he and the Voice of God had never been close. Metatron entered, a stack of papers topped with an official-looking scroll in his fiery golden hands. He put them in Gabriel's in-tray. "There are a few official changes to be filed in the individual personnel files, and a pending order."
Gabriel glanced up. "Pending order?"
Metatron's glorious golden face remained inscrutable. "No changes will be made to the status of the angels concerned as of now, but should anything arise, there will be a complication." He turned and left the office as Gabriel curiously pulled the top scroll towards him, unrolling it. Dark blue eyes widened as he took in the angelic script before him.
At the request of the Archangel Rāphā’ēl ,
Should the order to Fell either or both of the Archangels Mîkhā'ēl and Gaḇrîʼēl ever be given, the Archangel Rāphā’ēl is to Fall in their place.
Should any displinary action be taken against the Archangel Mîkhā'ēl, the Archangel Gaḇrîʼēl , or Azîrāphā’ēl Principality of Albion, the Archangel Rāphā’ēl will bear any and all disciplinary action in their stead.
Signed and Approved by
the Metatron
מיטטרון
Gabriel stared at the parchment before him, unable to believe what he had just read.
Have you done something I should know about, Raphael?
Don't ask me!
I hate you! I always have! You're no better than any demon because you let someone believe a lie!
Creases spread in the parchment as Gabriel's fingers tightened. "What have you done, Raphael?" he whispered.
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Date: 2010-06-17 06:43 am (UTC)It could have been days. It could have been years.
It felt like eternity...
Raphael lay flat on his back, staring up at the sky -at the stars- imagining that glittering one was Gabriel's shining presence, or maybe that particularily bright one. Wadded up pieces of paper were strewn about him, his Journal in bits, each crumpled sheet saying something along the lines of I love you, dear brother... please forgive me... I wish I could tell you everything... The empty cover lay abandoned a few feet away. His body trembled violently and his hair was half in a knotted braid, half streaming around his face. His cheek had at least stopped bleeding from when he had crashed into the rocky cliff, tears blurring his vision.
Bright red feathers that he had torn from his wings in sheer agony tugged in the still air. One feather, however, remained in his fist, carefully in his dirt-stained fingers as if it were a treasure.
It still felt like Gabriel... His brother... He could barely make it out but if he concentrated he could focus on what little remained of the Messenger's lingering aura on the bright red barbs.
It had been a symbol of trust and friendship... Angels didn't just give away their feathers...
He stared dully at the sky, body trembling again.
The gentle Healer had never been self-destructive. Self-sacrificing, yes... But this was the first tims he really wanted to be dead. The presence had been completely stripped from him, his powers gone... He wondered vaguely if he had Fallen and if so was it for his precious friends or the hideous lie he had fabricated?
It wouldn't be hard to find a demon to destroy him, but if he was destroyed there would be no one to take the Fall for his dear brothers. He wouldn't let that happen. Never!
It was the only thing that kept him going.
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Date: 2010-06-17 07:02 am (UTC)Gabriel tossed the scroll onto the Metatron's desk. "What is the meaning of this?" he hissed. "There is no reason for Raphael to Fall!"
"Apparently there is," the Metatron replied coolly. "He seems to think that you and Michael are in danger, and negotiated his terms. As things stand, the only way Raphael would Fall - aside from his own actions, of course - is if the order was given to Fell you or Michael."
"And you accepted it?!"
"I am His scribe and His Voice. It is not my place to question the decisions of the Archangels."
Gabriel had reminded Metatron of his place often enough, and he detected the faint smugness in the Seraph's voice. His eyes narrowed. "Very well, then. I am the Left Hand of God, second in command of the Heavenly Host. I outrank Raphael, and as such I demand that his request be rejected. If I am deserving of punishment, I will bear it myself. Submit that to the official records. I will deal with it when I return." Snatching up the scroll again, he turned and left the office, flying straight for the Gates. He knew where Raphael would be, and despite the Healer's parting words, Gabriel had to see him.
The Messenger flew towards South America, to a certain place in the Andes mountains.
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Date: 2010-06-17 07:14 am (UTC)Raphael did not move, the freed strands of hair whipping across his face. The air chilled as if an icy blanket had dropped onto him and he vaguely wondered if Death had at last heard his cries. Fresh tears spilled down his cheeks and he closed them, vision filled with Gabriel, his brother, holding him tightly against a moving, shifted universe of stars.
His body trembled and he gripped at his feather to keep the wind from claiming it, the other hand digging into the dirt.
He didn't move, even as the dark clouds moved over him like a dangerous animal overtaking its prey.
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Date: 2010-06-17 07:29 am (UTC)It was raining by the time he landed, folding blue-white wings back, and ran to the Archangel lying on his back. Gabriel had been angry, but now his anger was overtaken by worry. Feathers and paper lay strewn everywhere, and Raphael looked like the people he had used to treat once.
What have you done to yourself?
He knelt by Raphael, lifting his head and healing the cut on his icy cheek. "Raphael? Can you hear me?"
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Date: 2010-06-17 07:46 am (UTC)He was halluccinating.
He had to be...
He reached up with rain-slicked fingers, the one that wasn't still clutching the now-drenched feather as if it were his lifeline. He could hear thunder crack, echoing his pain as the sky wept to mix with his own endless tears.
His hand touched something corporeal, familar and safe...
But Gabriel... It couldn't be. He had told the Messenger he had hated him, had never wanted to see him again. He had watched him disappear to Heaven, the one place he himself would probably never return to.
But hallucinations did not have a solid form...
Crimson streams stuck to his pale face like slashes from a blade. He was touching touching and feeling what could only be his mind's cruel joke of his brother's corporeal form.
"Gabriel...?" His tongue seemed unwilling to form the impossible word as he tried to speak it aloud, but the thunder probably drowned out his pathetic whisper, the hiss of rain pounding the soft earth. The crumpled bits of paper danced away, some tumbling from the cliffs.
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Date: 2010-06-17 08:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-17 08:29 am (UTC)Gabriel...?
A flash of lightning lit up the sky, flickering through the branches to reveal a very familiar face to go with the warm presence touching him.
Gabriel.
Unable to control himself he threw himself at him, wrapping his arms tightly around his shoulders (hand still fisting the miserable-looking stubby feather). Fresh tears streamed down his damp cheeks.
"I'm so sorry!" he wailed, shoulders trembling as deep sobs wracked through him. His feathers shook. "I love you so much Gabriel! I just couldn't... couldn't tell you why I hurt so and..." He buried his face in the Messenger's robes, hands fisting in the fabric as the remainder of his words became incoherent babbling.
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Date: 2010-06-17 09:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-17 11:48 am (UTC)He had shared his special place with him. He had sobbed in his arms and laughed and acted like a child with him. He had given him a gift (now nothing more than a soaked stem with a few tufts poking out if it), had promised to take the Fall for him...
"I love you," he sniffled. "Please please forgive me..."
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Date: 2010-06-17 01:30 pm (UTC)"I never thought anyone could be more idiotic than Michael." He drew back, pulling the scroll out of his pocket and holding it up. "Why?"
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Date: 2010-06-17 01:42 pm (UTC)He saw the scroll and his heart sank. He knew he knew he knew... Swallowing the lump in his throat he realized, after what he had done, he deserved the truth.
"I... I never wanted you to worry about Falling..." he whispered, unable to get his raw throat to raise his voice any higher. "I couldn't bear to see you and Michael -*hic!*- torn away from the Presence. I wanted you- you to be ha-happy." He clenched his eyes shut, his tongue still forming words around the secret he had never wanted to be allowed in the spoken word. "...I love you. How could I- I not do something?" For God so loved the world... Swallowing again he continued. "Gabriel I... I'm Bound to that Promise... It's irreversible because- because I made the Deal in blood."
And there it was, his vulnerable sould ripped out for all of Creation to see. Not only had he agreed to take the Fall for another, but he had done the most Binding Promise of all.
And now Gabriel knew, and all the gentle Healer could do was weep as the sky above seemed to cry out with him.
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Date: 2010-06-17 01:54 pm (UTC)"Our corporations are only temporary," he said, moistening his lips. "Blood shouldn't have a hold over us. I outrank you, I should be able to do something about it. Why, Raphael? Did you think Michael and I really were that close to Falling? I was avoiding him for that very reason; I'd never have done anything to endanger him, and now you've gone and done this. There was no need." It hurt to think that Raphael had gone and done this for nothing.
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Date: 2010-06-17 02:11 pm (UTC)"You were that worried about Falling, about causing Michael to Fall." He let his head drop to his chest, sucking his aura back into himself before swooning slightly. He leaned against the tree trunk, eyes staring dully at the rustling leaves against the storm. Thunder cracked above, flashes of white flickering at the edges of their silhouettes. "I wanted you to be happy together. You... were never supposed to know, but that day that I..." He bit his lip, the very memory enough to cause fresh tears to surge from his shattered heart. "I had been so close to breaking. I knew if I didn't... didn't drive you away somehow I would break and tell you."
His body trembled again, miserable wings shivering pathetically. He held up what remained of the feather. "When I gave you this... It was because I trust you. It was a symbol of our friendship and how much you mean to me. I never wanted you to feel such pain, Gabriel... But if you want to leave me and never associate with me... I... I understand.." The last words were forced out. Yes, he'd understand, he would respect the Messenger's wishes but oh how it would destroy what remained of him. He clenched his eyes shut, bracing himself for Gabriel's presence to leave him forever.
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Date: 2010-06-17 03:01 pm (UTC)"I was afraid of losing Michael. I didn't think you'd be in danger, too. I should never have told you. You keep saying you want Michael and myself to be happy together; even if I was willing to endanger either of us before, do you really think I'd even try to regain our friendship knowing about this?" He held the scroll up again, and his gaze fell on the feather. So Raphael had found it, after all.
"None of that would have been necessary had you not made this decision. I'm going to ask Father if He can do something about this; I will not have you in constant danger of Falling as well. I can bear my own punishments."
And then... He wondered if it had been a mistake to let himself grow so close to others; it only put them in harm's way.
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Date: 2010-06-17 03:12 pm (UTC)"These last few days... with you gone... It was what I imagined oblivion would feel like." He didn't try to hold back the tears anymore, he was well beyond fighting his emotions anymore. "I never thought I could feel such emptiness after the loss of the presence in my life and my powers. You're more than just my brother, you're my best friend... I trust you with my very Existence." He turned, swollen red eyes gazing at the Messenger. "Please don't leave me..." he whispered desperately, the wind whipping his hair across his face. "Don't leave me alone in this... I've already lost everything important to me. I will never forgive myself for allowing you to believe that lie that I... I..." He couldn't finish, breaking into another fit of sobbing, the thunder echoing his pain.
I just got a thunderstorm alert on my phone XD *glances warily at Gabriel*
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Date: 2010-06-17 03:48 pm (UTC)Gabriel bit his lip. He had trusted Michael with everything once, and he still longed to see the familiar head of golden curls and boyish grin. And when he had thought he'd lost Raphael too... it had hurt. They were far too important to him. Even now he still wanted to go back to Michael and plead with him to try and forget anything involving romance, to make an attempt at regaining their friendship without Gabriel fearing the repercussions. He knew he should distance himself from Raphael as well, and probably Uriel before the Severer did something stupid as well, but he didn't think he could.
He embraced Raphael, holding the smaller angel tightly. "I should, but I'm not sure I can."
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Date: 2010-06-17 08:28 pm (UTC)But...
In the back of his mind, the part that was still somewhat capable of coherent thought, realized that even though the outcome was not what he had hoped those beautiful blue feathers would still never be stained black. The cries of his brothers would never echo through those caverns. He was still keeping them from the pain of Falling...
He didn't, wouldn't, regret his Promise. He did, however, regret the lethal words he had spoken, still echoing through his mind as if they had only recently been voiced. The pain in those deep blue eyes... The symbol of his trust and friendship gently floating away like a smear of blood left behind from a crime scene.
It had left him shattered and crushed with a secret he could never have voiced. Now his precious friend was holding him and all he could think of was how he had caused yet another scar for the Messenger to bear. It had been more than six-thousand years since Lucifer... How long before Gabriel would be able to look at him without pain in his eyes?
"... don't leave me alone in this..."
"I should... but I'm not sure I can..."
The gentle Healer clutched him tightly, finally releasing the battered feather to disappear into the rainy torrent. He let himself go, sobbing deeply in the embrace of his precious friend. He didn't care about how he must appear... trembling violently, clinging to the other Archangel and broken...
"I'm so sorry...!" he whispered over and over like a mantra, thunder roaring above like an echo, until his body finally gave out from emotional exhaustion and he collapsed.
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Date: 2010-06-18 02:32 am (UTC)"Raphael?" And now he was unconscious. Gabriel sighed and propped the Healer up against the tree trunk again, keeping him out of the rain. Once it had stopped, he'd fly them both somewhere safe and dry. Back to the Manor, possibly.
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Date: 2010-06-18 03:58 am (UTC)I'm sorry... Please forgive me...
Don't leave me alone in this...
...I'm so so sorry...
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Date: 2010-06-18 04:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-18 04:58 am (UTC)"...Will you forgive me for lying to you? For the pain I caused you to bear?" He could feel tears again and dimly thought he would have run out of them already, but no, they kept coming, shining on his cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Gabriel," he choked out. "I'm so so sorry..."
It had been what he had written in the pages of what used to be journal, over and over again until it was nothing but an empty cover and stewn crumpled bits of paper. It was all he wanted- to see Gabriel again and beg his forgiveness. It was all that seemed to matter in the parts of his mind that weren't completely numb.
"I'm sorry you had to find out the way you did," he whispered. He had never intended for Gabriel to ever know but the scroll with Metatron's seal no doubt was the worst way to hear of it and the pain the Messenger must have felt... It was enough to make the gentle Healer whimper again and bury himself further into the embrace.
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Date: 2010-06-18 05:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-18 05:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-06-18 06:24 am (UTC)He produced a handkerchief, handing it to Raphael. "I've forgiven you. Forgive yourself."
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Date: 2010-06-18 06:34 am (UTC)"I can't forgive myself," he whispered. "Maybe in time I will... But right now the pain runs too deep. I let you believe such a terrible lie... I let you believe... that I hated you! That... That you were..." He bit his lip, the words bitter in his mouth.
"I let you believe you meant nothing to me," he finally rasped, throat raw from the sobbing he had done. His own wings ruffled slightly and he trembled. He wondered how long this pain would haunt him.
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Date: 2010-06-18 07:03 am (UTC)He hugged Raphael tightly. "We've cleared that up, Raphael. I know you didn't mean it. It's over and done with."
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Date: 2010-06-18 07:13 am (UTC)His gaze fell on the scroll, slightly crunched in the middle from where the Messenger has fisted it. He reached over and took it himself, feeling the Metatron's lingering aura on it. "Was he as smug about it as he is about everything else?or did he at the very least have the decency to be sensitive about it?" He already knew the answer, but he still held onto the hope that the Angel of Mercy had been shown some mercy himself during his pain.
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Date: 2010-06-18 07:22 am (UTC)"He was smug, of course. Apparently the flaming whip from so long ago wasn't enough to teach him humility."
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Date: 2010-06-18 07:31 am (UTC)Raphael let a genuine smile form. One with the Presence... he thought.
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Date: 2010-06-18 07:51 am (UTC)At the sight of Raphael's genuine smile, though, - finally - he smiled as well.
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Date: 2010-06-18 08:05 am (UTC)Raphael felt the flare of anger start to jab at his weak aura and he braced himself, but it was quickly squelched, much to the Healer's relief.
"Well, originally it wasn't going to be so binding," he admitted sheepishly. "I wanted there to be some wiggle room in case something went wrong. But he assured me that, by Binding myself to it, it would strengthen its Promise. I don't like using my Real Name -you know how dangerous it can be in the wrong hands- but for this... For knowing you would be safe, I was willing to do it."
He started a bit at the mention of Gabriel returning to Heaven. "You-you're going to leave?" He didn't want to be left alone, but if the Messenger had duties in Heaven to take care of he knew theh definately took precidence over Raphael's current emotional trauma. He reluctantly let him go, bringing a hand up to brush a lock of dark hair from his eyes. "Then peace be unto you, dear Messenger," he whispered.
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Date: 2010-06-18 08:22 am (UTC)He looked up at the sky. "The rain's stopped. I'm going to bring you back to the Manor, you need to rest. Come on." He picked Raphael up easily, as if he had been a child, and spread his wings.
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Date: 2010-06-18 08:50 am (UTC)Gabriel would not let him Fall...
"Gabriel...?" He smiled up at him, the stars reflecting in his dull eyes. "Before you take me back, can... can we go... higher? Just for a few minutes?" He knew the Messenger would know what he meant... He could not return to Heaven, but amongst the heavenly bodies, where Earth meets infinity, he didn't feel so hopeless, so dead...
So broken...
He knew it was as close to Heaven as he would ever be able to come to, and, with the mark on his aura a reminder of why he looked up at his dear friend, beautiful blue wings ruffling behind him.
His Promise was worth it.
I love you, my dear brother...
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Date: 2010-06-18 09:15 am (UTC)Still holding Raphael carefully, he flew up towards the starry skies, tilting his head back and enjoying the chilly breeze. After the rain, everything seemed clearer, crisp and clean, and it was still and silent. Stars stretched out in every direction, and Gabriel took a deep breath.
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Date: 2010-06-18 10:30 am (UTC)He slowly fell unconscious, the Messenger's safe presence enveloping him, and he let sleep claim him, the smile remaining on his tear-streaked face...
The gentle Healer was finally at peace.
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Date: 2010-06-18 12:13 pm (UTC)Gabriel looked down at Raphael, smiling softly to see the look of peace on his face. Beating his huge wings silently, he made for England and Tadfield Manor.
Everything was quiet as he entered the Manor and made for Room 110. Gabriel laid Raphael in bed and pulled the covers over the Healer.
"Sleep well," he murmured, tucking some errant strands of red hair behind one ear before going to his own room.
Earl Grey blinked sleepily up at him. Ta-Miu was nowhere to be seen; hunting, perhaps. Feeling guilty for having abandoned them as well, Gabriel quickly cleared and refilled the kitty litter tray and the food and water dishes, and gently cuddled Earl Grey before stripping off his robes, pulling on a pair of comfortable pants and getting into bed.
He could feel Michael's Presence next door, and was again reminded of what Raphael had done for them. Oh, Raphael. You idiot.
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Date: 2010-06-18 01:03 pm (UTC)...course I could change it that he died and then Gabriel has to go find where his soul went if you want...)
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Date: 2010-06-18 01:16 pm (UTC)... O_O Oh dear. Though I was under the impression angels didn't have souls...
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Date: 2010-06-18 01:27 pm (UTC)OOC: Well "soul" because I had no idea of what else to call it... Essence maybe? Presence? Not sure. He could end up finding it in Raphael's special place below his willow tree, "now apart of every living thing" but stronger there because it was "his" place. Raphael could regain a corporeal form or something and it wouldn't have the mark on it. I dunno, I emailed you a couple ideas but I'm really good for whatever you're in the mood for. Happy sleeping angels or adventure-y search that'll end in another happy ending XD It's up to you, I'm good either way!
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